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Apathy, Chapter 25 Return to Normalcy

May 17, 2019

All it took was John’s phone to ring for him to know that he needed to get down to the radio station.

The mic cracked, and without a musical bed, he yelled, “Holey Moley! I’m Savage Henry and welcome back America! Wow! I can’t believe that after, I don’t even know how long it had been, but damn! Things have gotten pretty nutty in the last remaining time on this Earth. Have you looked up to the sky? That effin’ rock looming upon us, we get it! Just a matter of time, I suppose. Let’s just hope we have all gotten our ducks in a row, because… well because! There’s so much to get to and no way of doing that, so here’s something I know that nobody is sick of, MUSIC!” The Rolling Stones’ Start Me Up started to play as John’s headphones flew off his head. He yelled to his producer, who was still half asleep, “Hey, where’s the fucking news? I’m looking at my prep, and all I got is that nonsense about global warming. This is major, man!”

Erik, the producer, nodded and said, “I’m sorry, we’re barely getting back online right now, I can’t print anything out until-“

“I’ll do it, live!” John screamed with a sad attempt of irony. He then began to scroll through his phone to a myriad of elated comments that were happy that they’re ‘back.’ The song began to wind down when John started to speak into the mic, “It’s the top of the hour and you’ve found yourself on KCSS 96.5! Now, I’m looking through our social media, and I think we’re all the better from this experience. I know, I hated it too, but we’re human. We have to learn from what we go through, and I would say that this was one hell of an experience. How can we possibly go on with our lives and leave anything in the freezer allowing it to get freezer burn now? Especially, knowing that just a few days ago if we had extra food, then well better frickin’ eat it now than let it rot on the kitchen table. So, for lack of show prep and the mere fact that I was asleep in bed fifteen minutes ago, I want to throw it out there and take some callers. Tell me what you’ve gone through. I’m looking through articles, and by God is it insanity out there. Alright, caller, you’re on the air!”

“S.H., it’s nuts. I basically couldn’t leave my house!”

“Why, what was happening around you?”

“The neighborhoods blocked each other off, and we were like a tribe, but more like Negan from The Walking Dead. It was a madhouse! I hadn’t felt safe. We’re so hungry…”

“I’m going to hand you off to my producer, let’s give him…” Erik handed John a list of concert dates that had been made before the debacle started. “What’s this? Caller, what’s your name?”

“James.”

“James, I was sure that we had something to the extent of gift cards or something to Smart and Final, something, right? Well, my producer just handed me a prize list, and I’m looking at half of these concerts that had been canceled, passed, or rescheduled. How is this going to help James here? Jesus Christ.” John hung up on James and said, “Caller! You’re on the air! What happened?”

“Savage! Savage Henry! I am glad you’re back! You don’t know how awful it had been with nothing to listen to. I now understand why people kill their families.”

“Are you admitting to a crime, caller?”

“NO! I’m just saying. My family had been relentless. My daughter got pregnant, my wife went ballistic, and I’m standing here trying to hold it together when I want to murder the dude that fu- that banged my little girl.”

“Hey, those things have been happening since they invented daughters. Life doesn’t seem to change much in the wake of certain aspects, do they? Just don’t hurt the guy. I mean to have a daughter you had to bang a daughter too. So, it’s a vicious cycle you mother effer. Caller! You’re on the air!”

“That guy who called earlier, not the one with a hot daughter, the one-”

“Who said she was hot?”

“I’d hope that she was hot, I mean if people are going to be plowing her left and right.”

“What show have you been listening to?”

“That guy! I just want to call that guy a coward. Go get food for your family! Don’t just hide in your house like a little pussy!”

“I don’t know the circumstances that surround the issues with James, but-”

“If you’re hungry, get your ass up and get some fucking food!”

“And that was the first dump of our return to normalcy! Didn’t think it would happen so fast. Now it’s just me, Savage Henry, and my producer here in the studio trying to make do with little to nothing, just the shirts on our backs. We’ll be right back!” A Kars for Kids commercial started to play when John sighed and looked to Erik. “I can’t believe I’m happy to hear this god-awful commercial, right now.”

“I feel exactly the same. I still do hate it, though.”

“Me too. Anything from the government? A statement? Anything? You don’t know how much you hear at night when it’s quiet as fuck out there.”

“They’re preparing a news conference.”

“Thank God. Patch us in so we can cut to it.”

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