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Apathy, Chapter 12 Regrets

January 3, 2019

“The fuck I am getting in there,” I mumbled as my dad had already hushed me to be quiet. We stood in front of a mud pit… and it looked cold as fuck. “I’m going inside the house.” I stood there as he marched in behind me. I said, “Dad, that’s crazy. This blouse was like sixty dollars, on sale!”

“Yeah, but look, it’s important that we look like homeless people. Or the kind of people that people want to stay away from.”

“I understand, but why!? It’s just gross, and I don’t want to go. I want to…” I thought about Brandy and her party, and I thought about Marco- I even thought about Mrs. Kahal. I kind of didn’t want to see anyone. A part of me wanted that fucking rock to hit this God forsaken place already. “I don’t know what I want… I’m scared.”

“It might be bad, it might be fun. Who knows, but I have friends that might need help, so I have to try and get to them.”

“When was the last time you saw these people? When was the last time you talked to them? I don’t know, feels like it’s a waste, what if they don’t even live there anymore!”

“Daisy’ll be there.”

“UGH!”

“I know, hon. It’s a long story and-”

“You’ve told me, many times. I just feel weird about it, shouldn’t she be dead then!? I mean mom died shortly after her diagnosis, so why does this bitch get to-” The shock on my face was well deserved, but I do remember thinking, Motherfucker slapped me!

Thirty minutes later and we’re on our way to… God knows where.

Riding a dirty bike with dirt smeared across my face, I begrudgingly continue on towards my father’s ‘friends.’ I miss that show, I miss TV and Instagram. I could do without TV, actually. It turns out people were friendlier than I had originally thought, a man saw us riding along the road towards the foothills and offered us a couple of burgers that they were making. My dad says that he thinks they’re kind because I’m so young. I don’t know how I feel about that.


Brandy watched as people actually turned up at her house for this party, this Apaco-luau, there is a seemingly endless amount of people. All adults, with the strangest forms of transportation. She saw a rickshaw, a bike that looked like a golf cart that everybody pedals, horse-drawn carriages, and many other contraptions that she would never be able to describe. She thought that her parents were being hopeful, but now she knows that something is up and she doesn’t know if it could be stopped. Then an acapella band started to sing old rock songs from the ’90s. What the fuck is going on?


“Where should we set up camp?”

“What?” I asked in shock.

“We’re going into the evening, and we’re going to need to get some rest before the next day starts.” I could hear my dad pant slightly out of breath as he spoke. We had gone down one street for what felt like forever, and I hadn’t even noticed that the sun went down… I just wasn’t there. I was a thousand miles away- in my home with friends… Jesus Christ am I going crazy? I had just realized that my sweat was getting cold. “What sounds like a good place to park it for the night?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know!?”

“OK, follow me!”

We made it to a bridge and found our way underneath it. My dad took out a pair of binoculars and scanned the area around us. The water hadn’t been running under the bridge, and it was all rocks. So, I set up the tents, and my dad started a fire. Thank God for that fire! It was so fucking cold.

“Dad? How far until we’re there?” I asked as sweetly as possible… OK, I asked like an asshole because I was angry, dirty, and I smell like shit. I actually asked, “How long? This fucking sucks!”

“Just another two days. We’ll get to the bottom of the road, and we’ll have to… well, we’ll probably have to walk up the road. Who knows how long it’ll take, but it’s all uphill, so we’ll probably camp a few more times up the hill until we get there. I hope to God it doesn’t rain.”

“What do you mean? What happens if it rains?”

“As we get up higher, the temperature only goes lower, and if it rains, well it might snow, and that’s shit we don’t need.”

“I would rather have snow than rain!”

“Not walking uphill.”

“For fuck’s sake! Does this ever get good?”

“Once we get there, I’m sure they’ve got a furnace that will keep us warm.”

“You’re sure? What kind of reassurance is that!?”

“Last I was there I had one and so did everybody else. I lived there for, God…, I think I was there for about ten years maybe? Things went sideways, and I came down away from the mountain… I have to say, and it’s not about any one person in particular except for you, that I had a dream and I had a goal, and I let it lapse. If I were to keep at it, well then it wouldn’t have been such a big deal that nothing came of it, but I didn’t even try. I let my goal become about money. Money’s evil, hon. It’s probably the worst thing to happen to this green Earth. I have, back home, a bin full of stories that I wanted to write and short scripts that I wanted to film, but I got sidetracked. Don’t let that happen to you. Once you find your thing, then you keep with it, because that’s what keeps you going. It keeps your head from spinning when you’ve gone crazy for being anywhere too long. I don’t wish things had happened differently, but I do wish I had written more in my life.”

“Aw, Pop, you can still write, you know that- just give me all the money that you have,” a voice said from right behind me. The next thing I knew I had a knife to my neck and a gun pointed at my dad from another strange man, who somehow reminded me of the two villains from Home Alone.

Harry said, “So why don’t you empty your pockets or I kill your little girlfriend, eh? She’s cute. Wonder what she tastes like.”

“Don’t act too rash,” my dad said, “I have money in this tent right here.” We had stored the baby trailer in my dad’s tent. “I just have to-”

Marv said, “No way, mister.” He cocked his gun. “Why don’t you let me-”

Then there was a loud bang in my right ear. I hadn’t really paid too much attention at the moment, because I was getting angrier and angrier… I saw the tunnel vision begin to engulf my vision, and I got scared, but fuck that I was so fucking mad that I let it take over. A gunshot rang in my ear and the next thing I knew I was panting by the fire. A gun laid in front of my dad and me had his gun down the throat of Marv. Marv was screaming silently, on account of the gun, but mostly screaming because his foot landed in the fire. Harry was dead behind me, and I had a knife laying in my lap.

Out of breath, my dad said, “Holy shit, honey! He could have hurt you!”

“You! BITCH! I’ll fuckin’,” Marv yelled with a gun in his mouth.

“Kill him, dad.”

“No! Please!” Marv’s tune changed. “I got money! I got cigarettes you can have!” Still with a piece in his mouth.

“Doesn’t he know that we’ll be taking that shit either way?” I said trying to act cool. I flinched when the gun went off.

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