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Jeremy, Pivot: Lonesome Bunch

June 12, 2017

A few months after Lexie decided to leave Jeremy, he felt his hatred brew. It was brewing from two parts, one being his anger for her leaving and the second being how he lost his best friend. He hadn’t spoken to Jacob or Mike in a few months and feels like he can’t now. Jacob enlisted and was off in Iraq, he didn’t care about Jeremy, nor did Mike. Mike went off to college and was apparently on his way to becoming an anchorman for a nightly news program. Jeremy never thought that he would be left like this, sad and alone. Crying on the inside, he held strong. Much like how he felt his Father would have taught him. His head held high and his heart at his feet, Jeremy continued in life. He drowned his sorrows with beer and whiskey; life was simple now. No girlfriend to bring him any sorrow, no friends to trample on his narcissism, and nobody to confide in- life is at its smallest denominator with Jeremy, and he hated it, but still he continued. His life felt diminished. He tried dating again, but it wasn’t the same. He pushed for love and found that the women would leave as quickly as they came. He was trying too hard; his prowess was defined on that day that his Mother died. Jeremy wanted more in life, but with women- he kept failing. Looking for the woman that would replace Lexie seemed impossible. Girl after girl, he dated enormously, and they all never wanted a second or third date from him. He felt that his testicles were building up, but his concerns weren’t meeting another girl but were to find a doppelganger for Lexie.

Most nights he, in a drunken stupor, cried. He never remembered this, but he cried, and he did so because he didn’t think another woman would come about that would be similar her. He was pathetic. His actions in this motion moved onto almost a year, and he was isolated and distant to human life. God wants nothing more than for us to interact and Jeremy did this as limited as possible. This is the point where he stopped dating and stopped talking to people. He felt his life was fine, it’s horrible, and he’ll die at 40, but nobody will care then. He felt: I work at Target, nobody gives a shit about me, and if I die early then I die early, sucks to be me, I guess. Death never seemed like a bad thing to him, he was tired and ready to quit at any time, but he was too much of a pussy to do it himself. His last date was with a girl named Samantha, and she was sweet and brutally blunt. This was not coincident, but on their first date, which was the 4th of July, he took her to the same spot where he took Lexie to talk, have a picnic and watch the fireworks.

“Aww, I hate Subway,” Samantha said.

“I’m sorry, what do you…” Jeremy was cut off.

“I like Quiznos! It’s like better than Subway?” She states with a level of pretension and curiosity.

“Well?” He paused, mostly because he didn’t know what to say. “Want to go get something else?”

“No, this is fine, but FYI.” She stated boldly. Jeremy was in a bit of shock by how callous she was.

“So, this is a beautiful spot isn’t it?”

“It’s OK; parks aren’t really my thing… I like Clubs!” She responded back with a mouth full of sandwich, which she despised. He stared at her for a second, and then returned to his meal.

“I’m waiting for the fireworks. They’ll start soon.” He transported his speech through the air.

“Eh, fireworks are just American bullshit.” She transported back. Jeremy dated this girl a few more times, but he always compared her to Lexie, and he couldn’t stand it. He missed Lexie, he wanted Lexie, but he couldn’t have Lexie. She never answered his calls or texts. He was lost, and he was tired. So eventually, after his dating and his attempts at love, he gave up. He would be hung over and watch a cute girl come and go in a blur without realizing that he’s letting life go by- this came more and more often. He still cried at night, but he was mostly drunk, and that was blacked-out. As long as he woke up every day and went to work as scheduled, he felt that he was fine, but mentally he was not. During this time, without his knowledge, he called Lexie and lamented in her voice mail. She never listened to it; it wasn’t because she was a bitch, but because she knows that a small part of her missed him. Much like how an intelligent person can laugh at a dick or fart joke, she had a warm place for him. However, she knew that she would not grow into the writer she wanted to be with him. So, he was left there as a husk. A Shell and he should have grown to fill the shell but he didn’t, and he hadn’t yet to learn never to call her. He did this regularly, and when he realized this, he became infuriated. He was mad, he was mad because he spilled his guts out on a nightly basis, or so he thought, and she never called him back or text him. A carnage of thoughts came to Jeremy and he dwelled on it, and it stewed in him so, and on the next few times he called Lexie she would have heard that he was different. She didn’t hear him, and she was better off this way. The worthlessness became more and more apparent, and the idea of growing up and becoming someone was looming, but who is he and what can he be? Jeremy will never be a person of interest, nor will he ever make another person as happy as the girl that left him made him feel.

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