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Jeremy, Pivot: Brewing Thoughts

May 23, 2017

A few weeks into November things seemed to change. There was no incident, nor was there any one rhyme or reason to it, but on Friday, Lexie received a letter to Jeremy’s house. It was the kind of letter that only Lexie anticipated, in fact, she was the only one who knew that the letter might come. After writing a few sonnets that seemed meek, Lexie wrote from an epiphany. There was a precise moment when it hit her, and she needed to write. There she was on her way home from visiting her Father in Arizona when she needed to write. Luckily for her, she had just left and was not in the middle of nowhere. So she quickly found a shop and bought a pen and paper and found a place where she could park her Mother’s car. She then spent the next 3 hours writing in the notebook. It all just flowed out of her and when she finished, she looked around to see that the light had diminished. The sun had set, and she still had a 3-hour drive home. She did this in stride and elation. Driving on cloud 9, she pondered her erratic chicken scratch. Why had that happened and what to do with it. She imagined, with every ounce of her delusions of grandeur, publishing what she wrote. She thought more and more about it during that 3-hour drive alone, and with her mind already set, she did what she had to do. Jeremy found the letter to be somewhat disturbing and detestable. Lexie finally felt like an adult, which was not necessarily a good thing. For a nominal price, Lexie sold her story to a magazine which broke the short up into several parts to spread the piece over a 4 month period. She didn’t make much money off of it, but it was the sign of her start. Over the 4 months, she started to get kudos and acclaim for her story, and she found herself pushing and pushing to get a second story out there. Her writer’s block was finally gone.

Jeremy was proud of her but felt childish. He felt that he was 15 years old, looking up to a cute girl on TV who had accomplished something worthy enough to talk about it on the news. With the small amount of money Lexie received, she took Jeremy out on a date and squandered the entirety of it. She was proud to have produced something of content that could somehow in the future put money in her wallet. That night after the date, she drove her drunk boyfriend back to his house, and the thought occurred to her, He’s Holding Me Back. She feared these words because the more she stared at him, the more she saw his flaws. She stared for a few minutes until she sighed. During their courtship she was just in awe of Jeremy, He has a Job, a Car, and a House. With no remorse for his dead Mother. Possibly jumping the gun, or the fact that she had already written her next piece, she went home. She couldn’t stand him at that moment. Feeling awkward and tired, she walked into her house to find her Mom passed out in the same manner as Jeremy. She walked over her with no concern and pretended that she was in her own house, one she bought with her own writing. As she dreamed of her future in the literary world, she neglected to include Jeremy. This was not done on purpose, and oddly enough, she didn’t even notice.

Dramatically, January came and went, the two seemed still and vacant. Jeremy had no thoughts on this, and still to this day doesn’t know quite what happened, but Lexie answered calls less and less. Jeremy figured that she was just writing. Writing a lot and getting lost in it, so he didn’t realize that she was avoiding him. She avoided him because she didn’t want to hurt him. She felt it in her being, they were over, but she loathed the idea of putting it up on the chopping block. However, for Lexie, Jeremy would never break up with her. It wasn’t that she was too hot for him, but the fact that he liked where he was. Yet, he wasn’t growing, and Lexie was. She was growing apart from him, and she pondered how’d it feel to have the leech off of her. He often pondered what it would be like to quit his job and sustain adequately off of her gentle bosom. Living the

life with no responsibilities and nobody to have to answer to, besides Lexie whom he thought about marrying, Jeremy is on his way to being a perpetual teenager. So, during the time he spent without her, he attempted to save. He saved his money at a rather slow pace. This left his question of marriage on the back burner. Luckily for Lexie, she never found out about this.

The day she realized that she had to end their relationship came, and she knew what she had to do when she saw a sign. It was a billboard with a giant dumpster on it, and in big giant letters, it said You Wouldn’t Throw Your Baby in the Trash. Once she saw the billboard the sinking feeling of children hurt her. She did want children, but not with Jeremy, and she knew his kids might have a similar inclination towards alcohol and general selfish bitchiness. She felt discouraged and very much like a bitch herself for not ending it sooner because with every I love you is just another lie she told him. That day they were going to see a movie, and with an odd impeccable perception, Jeremy saw something different.

“What’s wrong? Why are you talking like that?” Jeremy stated as they walked in the local mall.

“Nothing’s wrong.” She said as she felt that she should have said Baby, at the end of the sentence but the chance to throw it in was much too far gone.

With his mind racing, thinking that she’s never been more distant, it clicks in his mind, “Are you going to break up with me?” She registered his words and pauses for a second, and without saying anything, continues to walk.

“What the fuck!” He says as the tears started rolling from his eyes. Embarrassed and worried, because she didn’t intend on this part happening this soon. She took him by his arm and quickly walked back outside to the car. They sat there, Jeremy bawling and Lexie sitting stern, rigid, and unphased. She said all the cliche things people say when they break up with another person, It’s not you it’s me, etc… She was taken back to his house where, without him noticing, she had evacuated all of her things. She walked to her Mother’s car and unlocked it when he peels off down the street. She knows where he’ll be and she knows what he’d do, and she didn’t worry about him. The weight was off her shoulders, and she felt free. Every now and then after the incident, she will think about him fondly and that time in her life is with bitter nostalgia. However, she never wants to return or feel the same indifference she had for him during the last few months. It’s not regret that she felt, but the feeling of abandonment that he was so used to.

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