Skip to content

Jeremy, Pivot: Introvert

May 5, 2017

Jeremy worked that day in a daze. His thoughts were mostly about getting wasted. Nowadays he has been more and more remorseless about getting drunk the second he finds himself out of work. The notion that he could stop at any time was never apparent to him. Finding something to spend his time thinking about was maddening, things never seemed less cohesive. At the bar he always seemed contemplative, they called him the philosopher behind his back. This was not in a loving way. Jeremy wasn’t a fool, nor was he a scholar. He was just not passionate. Proof of this notion would be his nights at the bar. Quiet and lonely. Sipping away his brain with Bud Light, Jeremy was never anything more than a waste of space. So, it was no surprise to him to find out that most of the staff at his remedial/lackluster job went out to drink without him. Apparently, from what he could find, was that the group of 20 somethings, which they called themselves, went out to celebrate Mark’s Birthday. Mark was an interesting person, and Jeremy legitimately liked talking to Mark when he had the chance, but everything changed in his mind when he found out that Mark was gay. He doesn’t even talk like a Queer! Jeremy thought in horror as he felt that he was being duped into sodomy. So, with no word to Mark, Jeremy carefully avoided The Queer. He didn’t want another stigma related to his name: Alcoholic, Asshole, Dick, Introvert, and possibly Homo. He and his stigmas stayed to themselves, and nobody wanted to invite the Drunk Dick to an establishment because the outing would most likely unravel into chaos. However, he was hurt by the lack of an invitation, but he couldn’t dare show the people he worked with his feelings. Surprisingly enough, his name had come up during the night’s festivities, but more to the tune to, “Jeremy? Why?” Nobody knew him outside of work. He was a mystery, but a mystery that nobody wanted to find out more about.

He felt isolated.

Feeling like a caricature, Jeremy longed for a beer, and with nothing holding him back he often was seduced by the liquid. Walking past the concession area of the Target, Shannon called to him.

“So,” she said loudly. Then continuing with a lower level of speaking, “drinking with the coworkers!?”

“W-what?” Jeremy responded with a fearful gaze to the towering woman, who was magnificently shorter than himself.

“Mark’s birthday party, how was that?” Shannon asks. Being both a friend of Jeremy’s Mother and a defender of Jeremy himself, Shannon often was out of the loop when it came to coworkers talking about Jeremy.

“I didn’t go,” Jeremy responded to the woman.

“Oh? I thought you had finally made some friends.” Shannon graciously stated as she thought about what she knew about her lonesome un-adopted nephew. She knew of his habits and warned him much as a Mother would, but after a fifth time of failure, she gave up much like Jeremy’s own Mother. However, it didn’t stop her from scolding him, because she knew that she put the fear of GOD into Jeremy, and she gradually turned her head with a squint as if to say, I know what you’re going to do and I think you shouldn’t. Much like his Mother used to do. For the first time in 6 years, he felt young. At this precise moment, he felt a reminder of his substance abuse in his elbow, and he clenched it. The joint hurt and he knew from what.

Shannon didn’t notice this and Jeremy nodded with a confused face and walked out of the door. He sat in his car for a second before initiating the engine. Not knowing how to start a career, let alone hone a skill, he felt ragged. He looked behind himself, and he slowly pulled his car out of the parking lot, and just as quickly as he left the parking lot, he entered another. The Oak Barrel. Entering and receiving his beer was all clockwork, and the patrons and bartenders knew him as a clock.

“Oh, is it 10:30 already?” One man praised the bar with this horrible joke. The chatter didn’t break, nor did anyone put down their beers to acknowledge the joke. Jeremy plopped his ass on the bar stool next to a sizable woman who had spent the next few hours not knowing of Jeremy’s existence. Jeremy spent this time contemplating his future. Almost 30, I’m fucked. Stuck in this Job with nowhere to go and nobody to spend it with. This is about as far as he would get, this was mostly because it scared him. Rather than reliving or applying knowledge to his own future, he’d rather apply his negativity to others. So, he sat there making as many fat jokes in his mind about the woman sitting next to him. If the woman only knew what he was thinking, Jeremy would not be living today, nor would the woman. It’s not your fault that God made you ugly, but God Damn, why did you have to become fat as well!??? Chuckling silently to himself, he smiles. The bartender always took this as an omen, of Jeremy finally losing control, and the fear would enter her mind for a short second before realizing that Jeremy’s malicious smile has been extinguished with a gulp of beer. As if his cup was full of thick tar, he would drink with a large thick gulp.

Sitting at the bar alone, another minute passes, Jeremy would hope to see a woman, so stunning and radiant, that he can’t control himself and finally force himself to talk to her that hoped died at around 12:30 AM. He feels his bar, not quite the hang out for women despite the large behemoth next to him, is failing him. Tonight is the night that he decided to go and make a change in his life. Dramatically quiet, Jeremy smiles at the bartender and says that he thinks it’s about time to go. She nods, knowing that he’d either come back or just be back tomorrow, showing her approval. He smiles, receives his credit card slip, signs it first and then writes the tip as 5 dollars. He felt this was apropos.

Advertisements

From → Jeremy Pivot

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: