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Narcissism You

September 17, 2016

Insomnia, Day 1.

I was half expecting this today, the insomnia to return. It wasn’t that I didn’t deserve this, but rather changed lifestyles for a day to create it. It’ll pass, like most things, but when? Last insomniatic spell lasted 2 weeks and I was useless. Can’t write, can’t concentrate and all I could do is nothing. Not even contemplate to the betterment of my understanding. Will this subside? Yes, but not today nor tomorrow. I was able to digest several chapters of my current reading venture and feel bad that I’ve let my writing venture stagnate. I will continue, and when this particular man gets some rest I will thrive. The dilemma that faces me right now is the mere fact that I’ve gotten stuck in a current topic. A topic of self-degenerate isolation that is fueled by the whimsy of addiction and the lust of self-mutilation of the inside out. Total destruction seemed to be the focal point at which I thrived with the lack of self-preservation. Philosophy has also been a devil on my shoulder, remarkable that something that seems to make sense and be so pure allows one to strain a man’s consciousness into the downward spiral of an elongated suicide. Things change. People change, and the mechanism at which we live our lives seems to swing dastardly in a precarious position in order to sustain our unpredictable end.

Tomorrow’s another day and for God’s sake! It’s 10AM. Reaping my rewards for the actions of ill repute. What is sleep? Why do we need it and what does it do? I feel that that’ll be a question that will be thrown at the God’s after our resting point only to get a big fat ‘I dunno.’ Biological creatures of flesh and pumping liquids to fuel organs, which fuel our brain that grants the power to conjugate verbs properly seems arbitrary. What other exceptions exists out there? What belongs on the long list of things that we, ‘dunno?’ I’d like to say we’d find out one day, but that’s a lie. What we do know is that the time we face staring at a TV screen or the time we fake a conversation only to interject seems to grant us the one shining light of power we seem to hold, and that is our narcissism.

This brings me back to myself. I’m fine, just tired. You all seem to be feeling similar voids in your life and have similar human experiences, so you’re tired too? Tomorrow’s another day… For fucks sake! It’s only 10:16AM?!

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